According to relationship therapist Ken Page, LCSW, the very question of how to know when you’re in love is a profound and rich question of self-discovery. He notes that it’s important to get clear on the kind of love you’re really experiencing. “Is it infatuation? Is it healthy love? Is it love that can inspire and last? Love is a rich combination of eros, which includes the erotic, romantic, and sexual—and also the warmth and beauty of companionship and care,” he says. Here’s our full guide to what true love really feels like, and below, you’ll find a quick list of common signs of love: If you’re curious about the average timeline, however, some research has found men typically take about three months to say “I love you,” while women take a bit longer, at about five months. In general, though, Page says it’s usually best to wait until you feel you really know someone—and accept them as they are. “There is no precise time when to say I love you, [and it’s about] being attuned to when you really feel that way and expressing it at the time that you are sure about how you feel,” Spinelli explains, adding to be sure you’re not dealing with infatuation, feeling obligated to say it, or otherwise doing it with ulterior motives. “Truly loving someone is when you really accept them and see them in your future in a realistic way,” she notes. Page also advises not fishing to see if the other person expresses their love first. “Don’t ask them if they love you before you tell them—that is neither brave nor vulnerable,” he says, adding that your own willingness to be brave and vulnerable is a gift to your significant other and the relationship as a whole.
