Feminism is many things to many people. But put simply, it’s about advocating for a society in which women enjoy the same rights and privileges as men. Since men have overwhelming power and privilege, they are in a unique position to hasten change for women. That means that we should be raising our sons to be savvy about gender inequality, and ultimately, to be feminists. Some conversations are for older children, of course. Teenagers could benefit from discussions of rape culture, as well as being aware of ‘slut shaming’ and the over-sexualization of women in the media. It’s crucial, however, never to make moral judgments about ‘men’ in general. Meaningful debate and discussion thrives in a safe zone, free from anger or blame. The very last thing you want to do is burden your son with guilt for being male! Instead, focus on what an opportunity men have to be a force for good in the world. Your boys didn’t ask to inherit their privilege or their role in how other men have behaved throughout history. They’re just kids who need the full truth and lots of love in order to be fully responsible adults. Further, demonstrate respect to the older women in your family on the principle that women have value in their wisdom—and not just in the flush of youth or their looks. If you’re a mother, role model self-belief in your own abilities. Whether or not you work outside the home, your sons benefit enormously from your attitude toward how women manifest their choices. To bring this back into balance, it’s important to nurture your son’s ability to express and introspect. For example, I make a point to ask my sons about what’s going on with their friendships and how they’re feeling about things. My seven year old mirrored this back to me recently when I asked him to calm down and he replied, crying, “But it’s good for me to cry mum! That’s what you say. I’m allowed to cry!” Domesticated boys turn into domestic men who share the burden of housework. So I make sure that everyone’s chores include cleaning as well as cooking. My twelve-year-old son knows how much I appreciate his contributions. For example, as I was writing this article, he made me a sandwich for lunch and brought it into my office. Just as it’s important to get boys involved in domestic chores, it’s important to emphasize how much men need to contribute in this area, too. I’m lucky. My children’s father is an awesome dad, and I often point this out to my kids, so that they know that this role is as meaningful to me as it is to them. Let your discussions wander. Talk about other demographics, the disabled, and racial profiling. Overall, emphasize this truth: Those who have more power have more responsibility to make the changes that can create a fair and equitable society.
